What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Do you know what she said mum?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Why am I not attracted to masculine men? Why do I like more feminine attributes on a man?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What do you mean son?

True - how I loved my mum!

What is the difference between anxiety and depressive neurosis?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What! how could you do that?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What kind of person does a narcissist hate?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”